is your mom at the bar?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
