Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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