I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
