last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Randomize
