Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
