I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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