my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
