So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
