this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
