Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
