Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize