The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
