oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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