Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
