Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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