So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
