We're facebook friends in real life
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
