I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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