is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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