i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
