ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
