Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
