I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
