called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
