i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
