Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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