I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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