Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize