hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
