STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
