shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
