things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
