It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
