you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
