I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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