and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
