I love black thongs
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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