Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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