My room smells like vodka and shame
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
