I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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