Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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