Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
