Pappa wants mamma naked
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
