Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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