When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
True strength comes from lack of pants
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
