I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
