i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
