Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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