Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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