I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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