You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I am naked and annoyed.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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