I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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