Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
