shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
