You're completely useless in the revolution.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I can't turn off my feet"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
