Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
How does one acquire holy water?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
