idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Randomize