This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
