fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
