She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
