I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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