I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
