Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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