i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
