Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
