he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
