margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
